The bad and the good

I've read an article in 'my paper' that teaches us to treat our troubles as stepping stones
and life's to look on the positive side of things, never give up, shake off the dirt and take
a step further. I find it very meaningful. Will find some time to post it online.

Today's day was full of ups and downs.
I had a team meeting after lunch. To give some brief description, my team is made of
5 persons including my boss. Other than my boss, 3 other colleagues have a
different personality, background etc.. one of them joined the company 3 days later
than me. Quite surprisingly, the other 2 colleagues did not take leave from the beginning of the
year till recent month.

Our boss wanted us to discuss on our procedures, yet it became a session of personal
attack on my performance. Basically, i think i'm improving. I was commented by the new gal
that my folder is very complicated and even requested me to be like her, creating the
same folder to store her stuffs. I feel that she doesn't seem to know that i'm doing alot of
stuffs myself, unlike her. She even said, ''When i'm covering for both of them, things are ok.
But when i'm covering for you, i don't know where to find''. Never mind, i'll with it.

''Can you PLEASE archive your emails or do it DAILY?''

''My gosh, how i am to do that when my daily work is already so packed'', I thought.

Thank God that my mentor helped me by saying that my clients seem to be having
the largest volume among the team. It's time for me to raise up the issues i had.

I feel stabbed by this lady. When i'm having lunch with her, she seemed ok.
But in front of everybody, she seems to be claiming all credit.
I felt hurt by what she said. But i know i did my best at work, so i prayed about it
before going back to work.

Miraculously, after this new gal went home, one of my colleagues told me that
actually i'm doing a better job than the lady who handled this job before me.
I was surprised to hear that.
Why would my colleague tell me that so suddenly when I'm feeling depressed?
I feel that God place her to encourage me and I'm glad.

Btw, the new gal who stabbed me so hard is a Christian in name.
So weird.

uPdates

My new job is a huge transition for me.
To study about derivatives is different from my real hands on.
Maybe i'm not studying hard.

My new job function requires me to do a lot of investigation on confirmation
of settlement, discrepancies on trades, trade settlements, reconciliation of
our equity breaks, mainly on swaps and options.

Initially, i think the job scope should be quite ok, since i did something like that
before, except different PRODUCTS.... Man, it's so DIFFERENT!!
It's a lot tougher than cash. Cash is so much easier than derivatives.
It prompted me to think whether if i'm smart enough to be here.

Since working for almost 7 weeks, i'm finally grasping the idea of what i'm doing.
Less questions asked, more work done alone. Good thing.

Though this week i have been working late, but i'm glad cause i have cleared my
ageing settlement breaks. :)
I trust in Him, that He puts me here is definitely for a reason, for my own good.

I know that i'm not doing well as others, but i hope to open my heart even bigger
to accept the comments so that i can take it well, and will spur me to work harder.
(Prayers needed)

Something that i learned from this experience:
I always have to give my best, be it in ppl r/s and at work,
so that in the event that something fails, you
know you did your best. And when giving your best, you always feel satisfied.

It's been really hard for people around me, i know myself for being moody at times.
I'm sorry.

Thank guys for praying for me, for coming down to have lunch with me,
really feel so blessed that God place me here to
get to know ya people.

'you' , pls let me go

If i were to ask 'you' how regretted 'you' feel, 'you' may say 'you' don't feel that
at all.

Why are 'you' so stubborn and hard hearted and so cool towards people?
Why are 'you' so selfish that you keep placing yourself above others?

During transition periods, 'you' keep appearing and pestering me.
It seems wherever i go, i do, is all known by 'you'.

Is there a place i can hide forever from 'you'?
I want to be as far away as i can from 'you'.