PigLetZ

Title- less...

2009-09-15T07:39:00.000-07:00

I dont know what to say, whether to smile or to remain silent.

Knowing that it is with me forever hurts me and makes me ponder why i am the 'lucky' one?
Furthermore, it is a burden to others.

Trying as hard as i can to ignore and be happy to live with it, but its so hard.

God created me beautifully and wonderfully made.
I know He has His plans for me and everything happens for a reason.
To lift up and cast my worries on Him is so diffficult when it is something i cant change or do anything to improve the situation.

But yet i know it is during these situations that i need to lift up to Him cause He is the only one who can do the
impossible. There is really nothing i can do to improve and i can only seek Him for help. I know He will and will provides the best for me.

Father,

i lift up my health to you.
May your Holy Spirit protect me and keep me safe.
I am yours.

I pray that i will be strong no matter what challenges or results it may be.
I pray for direction n ask for your guidance in every thing i do.

Huiping

Thanking Him Always

2009-05-06T07:39:00.000-07:00

So much stuffs have happened to my family and I.
Looking back for the past 2 years, it had been alot alot of changes.

Just wanna thank Him for being there, being so real in my life.
I prayed, U answered.
It's like a miracle that i had survived through so many stuffs.
Things unknown to alot of people, things kept only within my heart, alots more.

Its not only a miracle, but it's a chance to show how God is so real.
Cant imagine myself praying and praying, yearning for Him to answer me straight away.
That day is a wonderful day and i will always rem how He spoke to me in that incident.
PUSH (Pray until something happens).

Yes, its real! Before i m a christian, i have doubts on this 'PUSH'.
Frankly, even when i m a christian, i have doubts too.
How can this be real? Will God really answer?

Yes, He will. It happened to me. And it will happen to all who trust in Him.

Thanking Him for a bunch of Noobies Noobies praying and supporting me.

Thank you, Lord.

Imperfections

2009-04-13T07:19:00.000-07:00

Recently, there's a TV commercial showing how little imperfections make the relationship perfect.
When her husband is on the verge of death, it is those little imperfections that make her feel happy that her husband's still alive. Her husband's snores may wake her up, but at least in a good way.

Sometimes we see imperfections as big flaws that we cannot stand at all.
But a person can never be perfect, except Him.

You and I have flaws but it is how we see those flaws as good or bad.
Perception of flaws is important as it will affect how we judge a person.
But who are we to judge a person?
Don't judge a person as we are in no position to judge a person.
To some, it may be a weakness but to others, it may be a strength.

In a relationship, there's ups and downs. You and I may complain that we are not good in certain ways, but both of us know that we complement each other with our flaws and strengths.

After watching this commercial, it teaches me to cherish people around me and stop complaining or pinpointing at people's flaws but always see the flaws as something good.
Likewise, see more of the person's strengths than the person's flaws & you live happier.

www.ipersonic.com - Good-natured Realist (GR)

2008-12-09T05:59:00.000-08:00

introverted, practical, emotional, planning, tradition-conscious, good-natured, self-sacrificing, caring, devoted, friendly, loyal, considerate, reliable, conscientious, loving, quiet, reserved, modest, helpful, objective, hard-working, warm-hearted, communicative, painstaking, altruistic

Good-natured Realists are warm-hearted, helpful personalities. They do their work conscientiously and have a pronounced organising talent. They often feel they are committed to traditional values. The family in particular is extremely important to Good-natured Realists. Their greatest pleasure is making themselves useful and taking care of other people. But they do not like pushing themselves to the fore; they prefer to fulfil their tasks out of the limelight. Good-natured Realists are real workaholics; they are very reliable and nothing is too much for them when it is a question of completing a project. Thoroughness, conscientiousness and sense of duty are their strongest points. They prefer established and familiar situations to new and unknown situations.

In dealing with others, Good-natured Realists are considerate and obliging; they are always happy to put aside their own requirements in the interest of their family and friends. Their home is mostly very well cared-for, cosy and tidy. Their perfectionism on the one hand and their aversion to delegating tasks on the other hand often lead to them taking on too much both professionally and privately. They cannot stand discord; conflicts make them very unhappy. One could almost describe them as being harmony-addicted - and this sometimes leads them to strongly neglecting themselves and their own wishes because they are unable to bring themselves to put up a fight.

Good-natured Realists dream of a stable and trusting relationship for life. Marriage and family are very important to them. They take care of their partner attentively and lovingly and put up with a lot for a harmonious relationship. They are also loyal and reliable friends. However, they can be very hurt if their interpersonal commitment is taken for granted for too long.

GR At Work

As a Good-natured Realist you are one of the introverted personality types. Consequently, you don’t appreciate too much commotion around you so you can devote yourself to your task with sufficient intensity and concentration. You can work very well alone and while being immersed in a task, you don’t appreciate to be continuously interrupted or disturbed.

Nevertheless, your need for harmony and your adaptability make you a good team worker if necessary. Therefore, you are relatively flexible when choosing your working environment, and have the ability to decide which setting you prefer. A profession that gives you the feeling that you are doing something for other people is important to you. Good-natured Realists are very caring people and enjoy taking care of others. Despite your in-troverted personality and because you are a feeler-type, it is easy for you to put yourself in the place of others and sense their needs.

You are most comfortable in a one-on-one situation; you are less enthusiastic about delivering speeches to major groups. At any rate, when choosing your profession, make sure to surround yourself with people who share your personal ideals and convictions, and on whom you can count to work with you. Too many obstacles to your caring for and supporting others make you unhappy.

GR in Relationships

Good-natured Realists like you rarely fall in love head over heels. You approach a new relationship very carefully and guardedly. That has to do with the fact that you are one of the introverted Realists who don’t carry their heart on their sleeve, and you need a little time to warm up. Additionally, you have expectations of what you are looking for, and what you need in matters of love. Before you give your heart away, you want to be sure that your counterpart is the right one. In most cases, that protects you from disappointments - and that is good because deep inside, you have a very vulnerable core that does not easily get over genuine lovesickness. However, you permit yourself to get totally involved once you are convinced that your chosen person is worthy of your love.

It is the main purpose of your life to care for others. There is nothing that makes you happier than to look after and take care of your partner. It is an easy equation for you: If he/she is happy, you are happy. You have a very loving, warmhearted, and generous nature that sees to it that your partner simply feels comfortable and in the best sense in good hands and secure with you. You may not be a person of many words but that is not even necessary. Just because you don’t continuously reaffirm it, whoever is with you will be showered with devotion, care, and attention to the point that he/she won’t doubt your love.

Hmmm.... 80%-90% true ?

Relationships

2008-12-02T06:10:00.000-08:00

It's so fragile.
It's tiring when it's stagnant.

People break up even when they have been together for years.
People marry even when they know each year for few months.

What's the reason?
It's very hard to understand.

Only He knows why.

He places the right people at the right circumstances at the right timing?

Random thoughts

2008-11-01T14:58:00.000-07:00

With the current financial turmoil that's happening globally, no one can really predict
what goes next?

Definitely more consolidations within the banking industry, more retrenchments due to
similar departments upon M&A. It's just not the right time to enter into the industry.

This has further impacted on other industries. Everyone's tightening their belt to save more
and spend less.. Indeed, this will take a few years to recover?

Make use of this crisis to upgrade ourselves is a good option so as to maintain
competitiveness of our position. In 2 to 3 years time, when things get better, at least
you won't be at the last when everyone's moving up?

Trying to be flexible in job look out, preferably somewhere their work functions are
beneficial to where i am going in future. But can i wait? With further retrenchments, more
retrenched professionals will be on the lookout for jobs these few months. Facing a great
challenge here..

Really feel there's a need to upgrade myself, there's no ending towards learning.
We are learning new stuffs everyday and i find learning's an important journey towards
success and how we perceive things.

A bowl of porridge with salted veg may seem plain and hard to consume for pampered kids,
but to the kids in third world countries, they will feel blessed to have food to live on their day.

I wont be afraid of what is happening around us. It's just a turning point for everyone.
:)

Her Story

2008-10-18T21:00:00.000-07:00

Born into a family of 13 children, she's one of them.
Out of the 13 children, she's the only daughter.
Daddy doted a lot on her being the only little girl in his eyes.
She has 2 mothers. One's a step mother, the other is her biological mother.
She has 10 step brothers and 2 'real' brothers.
To them, a younger/elder sister.

Her 2 mothers are sisters.
Like the Cinderalla story, she was not favoured by her step mum.
From young, she has been accompanying her biological mum, a domestic helper to
the Caucasians' places. There was this European family who liked her a lot.
When this family wanted to leave Singapore for good, they
proposed to her mum if they could take this little girl with them back to their
country. Her biological mum rejected.

Wow, her mum must have loved her so much and doted on her.
She only finished her primary studies. Step mum thought that a girl need
not study so much. When other people asked her step mum about this
little girl, she will give bad comments like ' stupid girl', 'worst in this family',
'good for nothing'. The young girl took in those comments and did not
rebuked those aunties, cause she felt that she had no choice.
Her step mum will keep bullying and pinpointing on her for no reasons,
yet her biological mum can't do anything to protect the little girl.

Be it every new year/ dinner/ pocket money, her share of the stuff will
be the least. Both her mums do not dote on girls.
She wanted to leave the family so much as she felt alone.
Only daddy love her.

She was often bullied in school because of her complex family.
Friends laughed at her, hit her, ridiculed her.
She placed these stuff into her little bursting heart.
Her dad was a drunkard. She has no one to talk to about her feelings.

When the kids were young, they are still innocent.
As they grew older, things changed.

Gradually, she grew up into a young lady working in
factory and met a bunch of good friends and finally met the man who
walked the aisle with her.

At the age of 18, her dad passed away.
It's even worse for her, as she felt that no one in her family really love her.
At 20, she wanted to get married with the man.
She felt that she can't stay with the family anymore.
She just need a simple, contented life.
But her step mum objected to their marriage.
All the kids have grown up and mostly have a degree or college cert.
But she only studied till primary.

Her step brothers began to view her differently as a different class of person.
And their relationship drifted apart.

Her 2 'real' brothers, both make it to college and degree.
She thought that at least she still have them and her biological mum.
But who knows, things doesn't go as how she thought it will be.
Her biological mum did not bother about her at all, did not help her,
did not the basic thing a mum should have done which is to show
concern for her.

Finally she got married at 23 and left her horrible family.
But deep down in heart, she still loves them, still harbor thoughts of
hoping to get love from her family.

Human is still selfish. Her step brothers live in bungalows with
good careers like director, lecturer, lawyer, bankers driving posh cars.
They despised on her because of her
lowly education, small flat, husband who yet to have completed his primary
studies, husband's job as a technician.

As for her real brother, 1 betrayed her for money, the other was acting the
same way as her step brothers.

Initially, during the first 10 years of her marriage, she will still try to keep
in contact with her family. Her husband and her brought her kids to visit
them during new year or birthday parties. But whenever she did that,
no one bothered to go over to talk to them. They are like the invisible ones.
All of them looked down on her husband, herself and her kids.
They said very hurtful stuff to her, like 'your kids will be as stupid as you in
future', 'i don't have such a daughter/ sister like you', 'with that little pay, are you sure
you can survive?'.
No one welcomed them at all and hurt her with such remarks.
That day was the last time she had a gathering with them.

Eventually, she lost her contact with her family.
A family that she's born into.
A family whom she thought should be the closest one.
A family that brought her so much hurt.

But she married into a good family, not of family of fame and wealth.
It is a family full of love.
No matter how hard her life is, she still remain strong.
She is so strong now because of the love she's holding on.
Love from husband, Love from her daughter and son, Love from her husband's
family.

Though she may not be rich or educated, but she's someone who
is contented with what she has.

She has impacted my life so much that i want to love her all my life.
Mum, you are the most wonderful person i have ever known.

Updates again...

2008-09-24T11:08:00.000-07:00

There's too many things that have overwhelmed me, causing me to lose
myself. Too many things to worry/think/decide.

Just tired of everything, wanna take a break and start afresh, but can i
really do that?

I'm going to msg her that i will be leaving.
I'm tired of facing people that keep reminding me of the past.
Even though they said i'm doing well, but i chose not to believe.
Call me a coward, i know i'm not facing my giant.
But if i am going to continue, i don't think i have the energy, strength to pull
through.

Anyway, went to zoo with GH last week(i think so).

This animal is very cute, like to play alone.
A pity i never shoot the video of it.

Quite an interesting picture that i saw at the back of a truck

trying out my camera

I like white tigers, but this one looks like it's sleepy.

look at the little monkey, look so cute, very different from the ones at church. We managed to catch their feeding session and caught hold of below pictures. They are agile and smart enough to climb down using a ladder from the treetop. Look at their food, Durians??

A weird feeling??

Went sentosa alone on tuesday, took a break.
It was a very hot day.

The merlion

I walked from here...

to here....

to here...

i'm still walking..

Initially, wanted to buy back the pink dolphin at the underwater world cos i lost it. But when i reached there, only then i realised that i have to pay the entrance fee for under water world then can go to the souvenir shop. In the end, i never got to buy it back...

Songs of the sea(if i never rem wrongly), musical fountain that starts 7 plus daily.
I never got to see it too...

On the way back..

Being a sua ku... i didnt know how to go back to vivo except by cars.
Initially, i feel 'paisei' to ask the people how to go back cos i'm a singaporean!!
How can i not know?? But i don't want to get trapped here, still have something to do..
I see people tapping the cards at the station. I realised, 'Sheeet, i dun have the card...??'

So 1st, i asked the person at the ticket counter for musical show on the ways to go back.
Answer:You can take the Train (sentosa express) or bus.
I replied, ' thank you very much!'
And i walked off.

But the problem is i dun ve the cards, i walked from left to right, from front to back.
Finally i approached the assistant at the station.
'Sorry, i do not have the cards. Hmmm, how??'
The person replied, 'Dun worry, Miss. You can get out of sentosa.
Once you are here at sentosa, we will let you out.'

My goodness, i spent around half an hr thinking of how to go back without a card!!
What a joke!

Finally back to vivo

Spent some time doing something.
Little gift for him.

No matter..

2008-09-21T07:23:00.000-07:00

No matter why you did it, God loves you
No matter how you had reacted, God still loves you
No matter what caused you to do it, God loves you still

His grace is sufficient for all things you can bear.
Since you can survive previous ordeals, this time round, with God,
all things are possible.

You will recover and see the beauty of His kingdom.
You will be renewed as you accept Him again.
You will have to trust Him for all to happen.
He will not harm you, but He will be there with you no matter what happens.

Trust and Believe He will heal.

Do not be afraid as you are not alone.
Even if nobody understands how you are feeling, God understands.
He had gone through it all.
He will understand.

God loves you more than anyone else.
He had paid for your sins.
Forgive yourself, forgive everybody who has hurt you.
They meant no harm.
Let go and you shall be set free.

Trust that you will recover
Trust that you will be set free
Trust that all things are possible with Him
God loves you alot and always.

You are strong and you have always been strong.
You are now even stronger when you have God.
Press on, face it with God.
You are able to do it and you will recover.
You will and you will.

The bad and the good

2008-08-14T09:50:00.000-07:00

I've read an article in 'my paper' that teaches us to treat our troubles as stepping stones
and life's to look on the positive side of things, never give up, shake off the dirt and take
a step further. I find it very meaningful. Will find some time to post it online.

Today's day was full of ups and downs.
I had a team meeting after lunch. To give some brief description, my team is made of
5 persons including my boss. Other than my boss, 3 other colleagues have a
different personality, background etc.. one of them joined the company 3 days later
than me. Quite surprisingly, the other 2 colleagues did not take leave from the beginning of the
year till recent month.

Our boss wanted us to discuss on our procedures, yet it became a session of personal
attack on my performance. Basically, i think i'm improving. I was commented by the new gal
that my folder is very complicated and even requested me to be like her, creating the
same folder to store her stuffs. I feel that she doesn't seem to know that i'm doing alot of
stuffs myself, unlike her. She even said, ''When i'm covering for both of them, things are ok.
But when i'm covering for you, i don't know where to find''. Never mind, i'll with it.

''Can you PLEASE archive your emails or do it DAILY?''

''My gosh, how i am to do that when my daily work is already so packed'', I thought.

Thank God that my mentor helped me by saying that my clients seem to be having
the largest volume among the team. It's time for me to raise up the issues i had.

I feel stabbed by this lady. When i'm having lunch with her, she seemed ok.
But in front of everybody, she seems to be claiming all credit.
I felt hurt by what she said. But i know i did my best at work, so i prayed about it
before going back to work.

Miraculously, after this new gal went home, one of my colleagues told me that
actually i'm doing a better job than the lady who handled this job before me.
I was surprised to hear that.
Why would my colleague tell me that so suddenly when I'm feeling depressed?
I feel that God place her to encourage me and I'm glad.

Btw, the new gal who stabbed me so hard is a Christian in name.
So weird.

uPdates

2008-08-08T18:42:00.000-07:00

My new job is a huge transition for me.
To study about derivatives is different from my real hands on.
Maybe i'm not studying hard.

My new job function requires me to do a lot of investigation on confirmation
of settlement, discrepancies on trades, trade settlements, reconciliation of
our equity breaks, mainly on swaps and options.

Initially, i think the job scope should be quite ok, since i did something like that
before, except different PRODUCTS.... Man, it's so DIFFERENT!!
It's a lot tougher than cash. Cash is so much easier than derivatives.
It prompted me to think whether if i'm smart enough to be here.

Since working for almost 7 weeks, i'm finally grasping the idea of what i'm doing.
Less questions asked, more work done alone. Good thing.

Though this week i have been working late, but i'm glad cause i have cleared my
ageing settlement breaks. :)
I trust in Him, that He puts me here is definitely for a reason, for my own good.

I know that i'm not doing well as others, but i hope to open my heart even bigger
to accept the comments so that i can take it well, and will spur me to work harder.
(Prayers needed)

Something that i learned from this experience:
I always have to give my best, be it in ppl r/s and at work,
so that in the event that something fails, you
know you did your best. And when giving your best, you always feel satisfied.

It's been really hard for people around me, i know myself for being moody at times.
I'm sorry.

Thank guys for praying for me, for coming down to have lunch with me,
really feel so blessed that God place me here to
get to know ya people.

'you' , pls let me go

2008-08-08T18:21:00.000-07:00

If i were to ask 'you' how regretted 'you' feel, 'you' may say 'you' don't feel that
at all.

Why are 'you' so stubborn and hard hearted and so cool towards people?
Why are 'you' so selfish that you keep placing yourself above others?

During transition periods, 'you' keep appearing and pestering me.
It seems wherever i go, i do, is all known by 'you'.

Is there a place i can hide forever from 'you'?
I want to be as far away as i can from 'you'.

God is with me since young

2008-06-28T19:06:00.000-07:00

Never would i expect myself to be a Christian when i was younger.
I'm quite sure that i had made hurtful comments on being a Christian or
perhaps to the outside world, they may refer as 'Holy' or 'pushy'.

I remembered that when i was in my sec sch, i had a Science teacher
who is a Christian. She offered to guide a group of students in Bible
study( cell-group like). And i were one of the students. That was my first
time knowing Him. Initially, it went on well. Gradually, as she moved
towards telling us to have a relationship with Him, i backed off and
stopped attending the bible study. At that time, i was afraid.
I was afraid of the worldly people,
afraid of how my friends will see me if they know i'm a Christian,
afraid that they may not befriend me after knowing,
afraid that my parents will scold me,
afraid of acknowledging His presence.
There are so many 'afraid' in my heart that i forsake Him for the 1st time.

''Before I formed you in the womb I knew you...''
Jeremiah 1:5

Thinking back, i believe that He knew that i will back off at that time.
God is indescribable great. He knows it all, everything that has happened,
is happening and will happen. Like a sermon preached by Pastor, He
made use of my teacher to plant a seed in me.

Even though i had forsaken Him, God never fails to put at least 1 or 2 Christian
friends around me in my sec sch, in my poly, in my work place. Through
them, He is able to remind me that He is God. As i grew up, i started to
change my thinkings, 'maybe being a Christian is not that scary after all'.

However, my life is so messed up, pursuing only for the worldly needs
and desires and a lot.Things turned very bad that it reached to a point where
i felt like giving up my life. I can't even eat or sleep for around 2 mths. Everything
that i ate was just a quarter of my normal meals. From a happy bubbly gal,
i become someone so depressing, losing her sense of direction.
I felt no love from anyone. Even though i know that my family loves me, but
it was not enough! I was too hurt that no one could fill the love in me or
maybe i cant feel the love from others. My colleagues and good friends
tried to comfort me, accompanied me so that i will not keep thinking about
the bad stuffs. Though i know they are showing concern for me, but i still can't
feel much love from them. Am i expecting too much? However, i really
thanked them for standing beside me.

3 months later, things become slightly better, but i'm a different person,
someone without smiles, without happiness. Everyday is just work and
work and work. One day, i msg Kallang. It's quite weird. Truthfully, Karen
and i weren't as close as compared to other colleagues. Even since she
left, i seldom keep in contact with her. But i just wanted to message her and
meet her to see how she is now and some catch up sessions....

Somehow, God was in the midst of our conversations. She invited me to church.
During that week, i actually sms her if i can go this sat. This is all His doings.

''Why would i sms her that msg when i knew that in the past, i had forsaken
Him?''

Well, God has His own plans, His timings for everything. I remembered the
first time i attended the service. I felt His children's love for Him. Was touched
by them. I was wondering what keep them yearning more for God?
So it prompted me to keep going to know more about Him.
I was quite receptive to the sermons, perhaps due to the seed planted inside
me?
I felt that God is speaking to me through the sermons. I started to think how
God has His plans for me to be here. It's very comforting to realize how He
guided me here through such a big roundabout.

Even since accepting Him as my Lord and Saviour, I know that He's
there. I can depend on Him for everything because He can turn
situations around.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalms 147:3

He has healed me, maybe it's still an ongoing process.

I remembered that i once asked Karen,

'' Hmm, u think God will forgive me cos i forsake Him once?''

''Yes, He will''

I know that this time i will never forsake Him again because He
has never left me alone before and will never forsake me.
I know that He is definitely more than happy to have me back
though it takes a longer route.

Dunno leh??

2008-06-16T07:10:00.000-07:00

In a day plus, the results will be known.
*__*
It's so hard sometimes to learn to trust God, that i may
want to do it my way.
I couldn't even trust myself, my judgment, my everything.
Just trying to press on in everything i do. For a setback that
i overcame, it made me stronger and increasing my tolerance
limits. God has a purpose for everyone, plans to prosper us, not
to harm us. But each setback that i've been through, i have to
suffer some hurting stuffs.

The past hurts have not gone away. Whenever i see things
repeating itself, i'm afraid of taking a step more. I'm afraid that
what happens in the past will repeat itself all over again.
I keep questioning if i'm not good enough for everything, everyone.
Is that the reason that things keep falling back to square one?

God teaches us to keep away from worldly desires. But i see people
pursuing those desires and fall away from Him. I pray that i won't be
one when i start working. I definitely do agree that i'm someone
quite 'happening' in the past, and i do want to change. I wonder if i'm
able to.
God, when will these end? or will these end in the 1st place?
or i just have to take it as it is?
There's so many giants/mountains that i need to overcome.

A new start

2008-06-15T09:44:00.000-07:00

This week will be a total new beginning of my life, i'll be starting a new phase ...
Hopefully results are favorable..
Quite excited yet worried about my new job, unsure if i'm able to handle the tasks at work.
(Don't wish to work late)
It has been 5mths since my last job. At this moment, i'm not sure if i'm prepared for work.
But i guess i can't slack anymore, since i had ended my exams, i must go to work....
Thank God for His providence of a good job.

And a new start, new job goes with new hairdo...
Da Dang, it's a new physical me, same psychological me.
I have already received comments from mum that i look old...haiz....

Anyway, life still goes on.

Thank you Lord

2008-06-11T16:23:00.000-07:00

Today is a GOOD day!!
Yeah!!

I found a job.hahahaha...
A Good Job and a Good 'him'.
I'm blessed.

To my Lord

Forgive me for the hurt i caused him.
Forgive me for not practicing the work of love on him at times.
Forgive me for not being forgiving towards him.
Forgive me for being such a bad tempered gal towards him.

Thank you Lord for making things work out between us.
Thank you for blessing us with such a wonderful day.
Thank you for showering us with Your love.
Thank you for speaking to him.
Thank you for this event that happened to both of us to make
me want to work things out with him.
Thank you for the patience You gave me during these few days.

I pray for abundance of love to be topped up within us, pray that
we renew our relationship and with You. I pray that we continue to
trust and have faith in You that U will help us through. Thank you
Lord for the events between us.

To my friends

Thank you Lord for blessing me with wonderful friends.
Thank you friends for encouraging me when i'm down.
Thank you for comforting me for being there for me.
Thank you for pointing out my mistakes.
Thank you so much.

To U

No amount of thank you will make up for this, but can only
say a big 'THANK YOU' to you.

______

2008-06-06T08:44:00.000-07:00

Maybe when the end starts counting, you feel happy.
Maybe when the end starts counting, only then i realise how important you are.
Maybe it's too late to change when the end starts,
Maybe it's just meant to end.

Maybe let me be the one to heal you,
let me be the one standing beside you,
let me be the one reaching out for you in the midst of crowds,
let me be the one.

Let us work things out.

More Updates...

2008-06-06T07:13:00.000-07:00

Went to Singapore Flyer last Sunday, took some photos, and still photos.
The view was magnificent. Frankly, i was a little scared initially as i'm afraid of
heights and cable car rides...

Some photos that i had taken that day...

My ticket

Taken near the entrance

As you can see, there's a reflection' in this photo.
Hee, i'm not a pro.

View taken at the top

Us

Thank you for that trip:)

It has been quite a busy and stressful month due to my exams. But I'm glad cause it's OVER!!
Thanks for the prayers.

Another thing to pray for is my job. Thank God for the interviews He gave me. And also, 2nd
round of interview for both banks. According to the Hr, this will be the determining one.

I was very surprised that one of the bank called me for 2nd interview cause i was half an hour
late! yes, late! That morning was really bad, had some family problems affecting me and i took
a cab, yet met a massive jam from cte to bukit timah. At that time, I'm losing all my hopes cause
i feel that being punctual is so important for interviews( though I'm always late for other events),
and i screwed up. Thank God for kallang , Gh trying to talk things out of me.

When i reached there, i kept apologizing to the Hr. Thank God that she says 'it's alright, don't
let this affect me'. Was quite encouraged by her and during a few minutes before the interviewers
came, made a prayer. It took about 1 hour, tough interview, keep bombarding me with questions
relating to compliance, processes, improvements. The question commonly asked popped up,
' strengths and weaknesses?' AWW, i don't like this question. I told them that i worry unduly.

One of the lady replied:'Is it because you have high expectations of yourself?'
I was stunned, but quickly replied saying it's more like motivating myself, stuffs like that.
I was quite surprised that she said i have high expectations, cause usually heard that from people
who know me quite well. Quite afraid that i may leave her bad impression due to this' high
expectation'. Personally, i feel that having high expectations is good but pushing too hard may
be too much. That is a weakness that i see myself pushing too hard that i become very depressed
when i fall down. So i think when they know that u have high expectations may not be that good
after all. It really depends on how fast you pick up. But thank God, i managed to earn their trust in
going for 2nd round.

Whether i pass or fail this round, i lift it up to God. I will try to do my best and i believe that He
will do what He thinks is best for me.

Still struggling with other problems.
God, please change me not to say hurting words.
Change me to cherish what i have.
Change me to accept the person for who he is.
Change me.
I'm sorry.

God's Timing

2008-05-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

Been really busy studying over my papers. Despite the busy schedule,
God made me see things from a different perspective. From my previous
posts, perhaps you would realise that i've been worrying about my studies,
especially future job on whether it will be able to support my family.

Kallang was offered a permanent job. She was initially rejected by the
company when it was offering a contract job. But, PTL! When the company
require a perm staff, she was selected. Prayers work! Prayer is a tool to
communicate with Him. God planned such a good timing for her. Knowing
that she needs a perm job, He gave her a perm position at a place she wants
to be instead of a contract position. Who knows, once a perm position, more
things come falling in place. Shelter and family.

Even, for Gh, God has been faithful. Though i feel that he's having some bad
experiences from current job. But God provide him with interviews from the
industry he wanted to be in recently. And, something worth to think about it,
after around 2 months in his current job, (still feeling upset about his job
sometimes) his mentor and superior suddenly came to tell and encourage
him that they found him to be a good worker with high productivity. Why
would they do this so sudden and why would the interviews be here after
2 months of not looking for job?
I feel that maybe God is encouraging him through people
around him and He's definitely performing works in his life.

I began to think if the same thing will happen to me.
I believe that He will provide me with a job that suits my current needs.
Sometimes, i feel that He may bring us around 'the world', meaning that
what we want, we may not get it. He will provide us with what we need.
But eventually, we may get what we want. Guess it also helps us to appreciate
the job or situation that we are in.Though sometimes i feel low about things
happening around me, I trust that He will help me through.

For me, been trying to send out some resumes, but not much response from them.
Therefore, i'm quite disturbed by it. In addition, due to my ongoing exam, it has
added more stress to me. However, through both of them, God changed my
perceptions on keep worrying about my job. Should concentrate on my
exams first. Then about job. It's all about His Timing.

Recently, it's still news of China on our daily reports. My heart goes all out
for them. Like what pastor has shared, all of us are so blessed to be in
Singapore. Singapore being a good geographical location. However, we should
not take it for granted.

I see tears of heart pain, tears of touching moments.

Whenever i see photos of those kids who are trapped, died due to the earthquake,
I feel sad for them. Their parents must be so sad cause it's so hard to bring up
a child. All their efforts have gone down to drain. Imagine their moms conceiving
their child from one little small dot in the ultrasound scan to small foetus to babies
to young teens. Their children are part of their lives, yet are already gone from
them. The loss of one child is unbearable, and it's even more tough when so
many children and families are gone. Some people could be the only one alive
in their whole family(including those relatives). Some kids are so traumatized
that they cannot speak. Parents are so grieved over their loss of spouse,
children. However, through this incident, we can see love within people. Everybody
is trying to save one and one and one more. People sending food to those people
whose homeland has been destroyed. This is so wonderful. When people are
weak, they will be so touched that others are showing so much love to them.
This really encourage them.

God, i pray for the people in China. I pray that You place more people around
them to extend Your love to them. I pray that they will know the Truth, will understand
the meaning of real love. I pray that you heal their hearts and open their hearts to
you and let them know You'll be there.

We must really learn to appreciate people around us. You never know when would be
the last time you see them. Thank God for my wonderful parents. Up till today, I
still desire hugs from mummy. I know they still treat me like a little gal. Some people
find it hard to say 'i love u' to parents, find that it's mushy. But what if they never get
to hear it even if they are gone. By then, it may be too late. Recently, a friend's
dad passed away. Felt sad for her. If it happens to me, i know i will break down.
However, if they are with the Lord, i know that they are going to a better place.

God, thank you for providing me with a good family. I pray for my family. I pray that
You will change their way of thinkings through me or even through other Christian
friends around them I pray that more Christian friends to be placed in their lives.
I pray that You will open their hearts and draw attention to you. In Jesus name, Amen!

Mummy and my beloved
Bro and mi

Dad and mum and mi

Recent Stuff

2008-05-10T09:54:00.000-07:00

Things have not been going too smoothly for me.
A lot of things happening around me that really make me ponder what i should do.
Definitely not feeling very happy with the issues that i'm dealing with, adding to the
stress that i've been trying to cope with my coming exams.
Really gotta pray for me that i'll be able to give my best in exams instead of slacking
around.

A lot of things may not be what it seems to be. Trying to give up some stuffs but cant
bear to. Trying to work things out but seems so hard. Yes, real hard for me.
Different issues came popping into my mind, what should i do?
Feel like placing them at the back of my mind cause i have something more
important to work on it. My exams!! The rest of the things, I'm gonna close one eye about
them. ONE EYE!! That does not mean i'll forget but will try to give in.

Been asking myself if i did the correct things all this while. I'm not so sure.
I'm afraid that things will not turn out well. I'm afraid that same old stuffs happen again.
I know that i may not be able to survive this fall. But the difference is , I have God with me.
Therefore, i'm trying hard. What has happened is unbearable, yet i must be strong
to overcome, to face my GIANT. GIGANTIC GIANT.

When i try to work things out, another issue came along. Different issues keep popping into
my life. Sometimes, i feel i'm lacking of strength to continue. I feel weak.

Enough said about the teary stuff, some interesting things do happen.

For people who go to Lucky Plaza to buy things, pls listen and be extra careful.
Last weekend, GH and i went there to buy the phone's pouch. As usual, we walked around and
asked about the varieties that they have and the price range. There's a shop that is just at located
middle staircase of Lucky Plaza. (on the right side as you walked down the stairs)

The sales person was dishonest. Gh went to open the package of the phone while the sales person
took out other types of pouches to let him see and explained to him. Obviously, Gh wasn't paying
attention to him as he's not interested in those types so he continued to open the package.
When Gh asked him how much, the person said:''$99!''.
Sheeeeet, that's so expensive. Furthermore, the previous dealers that we went sold for around
30+ to 50+. The sales person was out to cheat us.

So Gh said :" HUH, den i dun wan le''
Sales person said:'' Wah, den how to sell?? You opened already leh!!''
Gh:'' Sorry, I helped you put back lo.''
Sales person: '' Dun need la!''
The person gave him a look and Gh walked off. I followed Gh after i recovered from my shock.
A bit slow.
That look frightened me, up till now.
I was so worried at that time. I know that those type of people are not up to any good.
If at that time, what if he pulled us back and demand payment?
Thank God that nothing bad happened to both of us.
(something to learn: Do not anyhow open the package of their stuff till you ask the sales person.
Do ask the price before opening)

*FYI, Gh got it at $27, thanks to me cos i bargained with the sales person. HAHA!!*

Truth vs Lies

2008-05-01T07:44:00.000-07:00

When do we know the person is telling the truth or saying lies to you?
This is difficult to understand. Supposedly if saying out the truth will
hurt the person, will you say it? Or saying out the truth will cause everything
that you will build on to collapse, will you say it?

Guess it's really dependent on the circumstances. For me, i rather say the
truth than to let the person knows that i'm lying. Living with lies is tough, as
a lie needs more lies to cover up. Even though truth may hurt, but we gotta
bear with it as this is what that has been done and can never be erased.

I feel that lies may lead to cheat. One lie may lead to another, eventually
to cheating. I believe everybody is bound to have said some lies.
To what extent is a lie good? A white lie? I think that a white lie is good
when it's able to solve certain issues. However, it may not be that effective
if the original lie has been discovered. Difficult to understand?
I'm not sure if this is the correct thinking though.

Who can heal my heart?
No one but my God
Who can take my pain away?
No one but Him

Who can fill the vacuum in my heart?
Only you, my Lord
Who will carry me when i'm down?
Yes, I know You will. My Lord.

God, I need you
More of Your grace and love
More of Your forgiveness
More of Your peace and joy

A Good Day

2008-04-28T07:08:00.000-07:00

Last sunday, GH and i went to Pariss to have a dinner buffet.
Quite fun, our 1st international buffet. Hmm, he don't really seem to enjoy the seafood.
But i enjoyed.. He loves the dessert -Pandan cheesecake.
It seems like a weird combination but it's delicious.

After dinner, we went to the Singapore Flyer. Yupyupyup. :)
But we did not take the ride... Awww...
Due to no cameras, not the right time... :( I believe the time will come and i'll wait for you.

But it's a GOOD day. I felt that, the outing made me think/re-check our relationship, about the good
and bad times, about how we work things out, about where we stand and our future.

A thought came into my mind when i'm thinking all these stuffs.
It's important that i 'check' on my relationship with God,
how He draws me to Him, whether i am living the way that God wants me to live in, doing things
that will bring Him glory, seeking Him.

And if not, then I should change and live by His word.

One critical thing i should do to bring Him glory is to do my best in exams.
Sometimes i do feel like giving up, but God gave me strength to push myself to keep studying.

Thank you, Lord.

Love

2008-04-22T07:21:00.000-07:00

Tearing Uncontrollably?

Last saturday, i experienced this 'tearing'.
It was special.

Touched by His unconditional love
How He brought me to light
How He comforted me when i'm down
How He speaks to me

My God, so great
Forgave me for what i've done
Redeemed me from my sins
And gave me a new life

Opening my heart to Him
Beginning to show more of Him to me
Teaching and guiding me
I thank Him for what He has done

Updates

2008-04-14T02:26:00.000-07:00

I'm falling sick again..
Yes, it's flu.
Quite worried about my exams, future job hunting, family and friends. Not sure if i'm able to take care of them. Anyway, keep worrying about these things will not provide me with solutions.
I told myself:' Gotta work hard, and pray that God will help me with my worries...'

Do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about its own things.
Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
- Matthew 6:34

Recently, i met up with some friends from poly. Feel good meeting up with them.
I felt that, time seemed to have gone back to those poly days, especially my 7 meals per day. HAHAHA.
It was really a good catching up with them, chatting about work, life, relationships, ex classmates and the list goes on.

They were glad that I'm a Christian now and were happy for me.
Perhaps, one saddening news that i've heard is that, one of my friends backslided.
Sadly to say, grew away from God. I remembered that in our school days, she's always going to church weekly, worshipping God and often heard her praising God.

But now, due to her tight schedule at work and her r/s with bf, she has stopped going to church. Her bf is not a Christian, doesn't seem to like her to attend church services.
Of cos, i'm in no position to judge a person, to control someone's feelings.
The question is, do you think it's worth it?

Even though i take some time to warm up to people, but going to church, cell groups are like having fellowships with others. Its good that you let them know what u are going through, let them pray for u and vice versa, so that all of us will grow spiritually in God's hands.

Just like to let her know that it's never too late to turn back to God again.

No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other,
or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other.
- Matthew 6:24

''Return, you backsliding children,
And i will heal your backslidings. ''

Indeed we do come to you,
for You are the Lord our God.
- Jeremiah 3:22

thOughts

2008-04-08T23:35:00.000-07:00

Memories are formed through the experiences we have gone through in the past. Good or Bad? It depends on which stand you take. Life will never always be filled with good experiences as it seems to me that it's always the bad experiences that make me learn from my mistakes.

And these memories are often brought back because of things that you recently heard, said or thought. I once made this prayer 'Dear God, pls help me to get rid of my bad memories and experiences...'. Gradually, I realised that bad memories/experiences are stuffs that we kept in the bottom of our heart. They wont go away, as they are there in our hearts for us to remember and remind ourselves never to take that wrong step again. What matters most is that we got to jump out of our bad experiences and get on with our life.

I thank God for teaching me that what i have been through is not the end of the world, as it's only the beginning of my life to know Him. God helped and guided me through my darkest period and finally leading me to light. My world once collapsed, and i thought that i will never get up. But He changed me. Even though i'm hurt and afraid, but i know He's healing me and will always be there for me.

God gave me a new life and hope and purpose for me. And the best thing is, He is still changing me and i know that He will continue to guide and direct to the path He knows what's best for me.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding.
In all ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.
- Proverbs 3:5

I'm learning to lift things up to God, though sometimes may fail as i may want to solve them myself.
Initially, i thought that God may not understand/know what i'm going through.
But I'm WRONG.
God knows it ALL.
Whatever good things, bad things we have done, He knows about them.
Therefore, we need to lift all our plans, worries, everything to Him.

A man's heart plans his ways,
But the Lord directs his steps.
- Proverbs 16:9

Without His guidance and direction, I wouldn't have known what could have become of me.

Dear God,
Thank you for showing grace and love towards me.
Thank you for loving me for who I am.
Thank you for being there when i'm down.
Thank you for changing me and letting me being able to view things from a different perspective.
Lord, i pray that i'll continue to grow in Your Hands, knowing U more.
I pray that U continue to change me, change my perceptions.
In Jesus name, Amen!