God is with me since young

Never would i expect myself to be a Christian when i was younger.
I'm quite sure that i had made hurtful comments on being a Christian or
perhaps to the outside world, they may refer as 'Holy' or 'pushy'.

I remembered that when i was in my sec sch, i had a Science teacher
who is a Christian. She offered to guide a group of students in Bible
study( cell-group like). And i were one of the students. That was my first
time knowing Him. Initially, it went on well. Gradually, as she moved
towards telling us to have a relationship with Him, i backed off and
stopped attending the bible study. At that time, i was afraid.
I was afraid of the worldly people,
afraid of how my friends will see me if they know i'm a Christian,
afraid that they may not befriend me after knowing,
afraid that my parents will scold me,
afraid of acknowledging His presence.
There are so many 'afraid' in my heart that i forsake Him for the 1st time.

''Before I formed you in the womb I knew you...''
Jeremiah 1:5

Thinking back, i believe that He knew that i will back off at that time.
God is indescribable great. He knows it all, everything that has happened,
is happening and will happen. Like a sermon preached by Pastor, He
made use of my teacher to plant a seed in me.

Even though i had forsaken Him, God never fails to put at least 1 or 2 Christian
friends around me in my sec sch, in my poly, in my work place. Through
them, He is able to remind me that He is God. As i grew up, i started to
change my thinkings, 'maybe being a Christian is not that scary after all'.

However, my life is so messed up, pursuing only for the worldly needs
and desires and a lot.Things turned very bad that it reached to a point where
i felt like giving up my life. I can't even eat or sleep for around 2 mths. Everything
that i ate was just a quarter of my normal meals. From a happy bubbly gal,
i become someone so depressing, losing her sense of direction.
I felt no love from anyone. Even though i know that my family loves me, but
it was not enough! I was too hurt that no one could fill the love in me or
maybe i cant feel the love from others. My colleagues and good friends
tried to comfort me, accompanied me so that i will not keep thinking about
the bad stuffs. Though i know they are showing concern for me, but i still can't
feel much love from them. Am i expecting too much? However, i really
thanked them for standing beside me.

3 months later, things become slightly better, but i'm a different person,
someone without smiles, without happiness. Everyday is just work and
work and work. One day, i msg Kallang. It's quite weird. Truthfully, Karen
and i weren't as close as compared to other colleagues. Even since she
left, i seldom keep in contact with her. But i just wanted to message her and
meet her to see how she is now and some catch up sessions....

Somehow, God was in the midst of our conversations. She invited me to church.
During that week, i actually sms her if i can go this sat. This is all His doings.

''Why would i sms her that msg when i knew that in the past, i had forsaken
Him?''

Well, God has His own plans, His timings for everything. I remembered the
first time i attended the service. I felt His children's love for Him. Was touched
by them. I was wondering what keep them yearning more for God?
So it prompted me to keep going to know more about Him.
I was quite receptive to the sermons, perhaps due to the seed planted inside
me?
I felt that God is speaking to me through the sermons. I started to think how
God has His plans for me to be here. It's very comforting to realize how He
guided me here through such a big roundabout.

Even since accepting Him as my Lord and Saviour, I know that He's
there. I can depend on Him for everything because He can turn
situations around.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalms 147:3

He has healed me, maybe it's still an ongoing process.

I remembered that i once asked Karen,

'' Hmm, u think God will forgive me cos i forsake Him once?''

''Yes, He will''

I know that this time i will never forsake Him again because He
has never left me alone before and will never forsake me.
I know that He is definitely more than happy to have me back
though it takes a longer route.

Dunno leh??

In a day plus, the results will be known.
*__*
It's so hard sometimes to learn to trust God, that i may
want to do it my way.
I couldn't even trust myself, my judgment, my everything.
Just trying to press on in everything i do. For a setback that
i overcame, it made me stronger and increasing my tolerance
limits. God has a purpose for everyone, plans to prosper us, not
to harm us. But each setback that i've been through, i have to
suffer some hurting stuffs.

The past hurts have not gone away. Whenever i see things
repeating itself, i'm afraid of taking a step more. I'm afraid that
what happens in the past will repeat itself all over again.
I keep questioning if i'm not good enough for everything, everyone.
Is that the reason that things keep falling back to square one?

God teaches us to keep away from worldly desires. But i see people
pursuing those desires and fall away from Him. I pray that i won't be
one when i start working. I definitely do agree that i'm someone
quite 'happening' in the past, and i do want to change. I wonder if i'm
able to.
God, when will these end? or will these end in the 1st place?
or i just have to take it as it is?
There's so many giants/mountains that i need to overcome.

A new start

This week will be a total new beginning of my life, i'll be starting a new phase ...
Hopefully results are favorable..
Quite excited yet worried about my new job, unsure if i'm able to handle the tasks at work.
(Don't wish to work late)
It has been 5mths since my last job. At this moment, i'm not sure if i'm prepared for work.
But i guess i can't slack anymore, since i had ended my exams, i must go to work....
Thank God for His providence of a good job.

And a new start, new job goes with new hairdo...
Da Dang, it's a new physical me, same psychological me.
I have already received comments from mum that i look old...haiz....



Anyway, life still goes on.

Thank you Lord

Today is a GOOD day!!
Yeah!!

I found a job.hahahaha...
A Good Job and a Good 'him'.
I'm blessed.

To my Lord

Forgive me for the hurt i caused him.
Forgive me for not practicing the work of love on him at times.
Forgive me for not being forgiving towards him.
Forgive me for being such a bad tempered gal towards him.

Thank you Lord for making things work out between us.
Thank you for blessing us with such a wonderful day.
Thank you for showering us with Your love.
Thank you for speaking to him.
Thank you for this event that happened to both of us to make
me want to work things out with him.
Thank you for the patience You gave me during these few days.

I pray for abundance of love to be topped up within us, pray that
we renew our relationship and with You. I pray that we continue to
trust and have faith in You that U will help us through. Thank you
Lord for the events between us.

To my friends

Thank you Lord for blessing me with wonderful friends.
Thank you friends for encouraging me when i'm down.
Thank you for comforting me for being there for me.
Thank you for pointing out my mistakes.
Thank you so much.

To U

No amount of thank you will make up for this, but can only
say a big 'THANK YOU' to you.

*______*

Maybe when the end starts counting, you feel happy.
Maybe when the end starts counting, only then i realise how important you are.
Maybe it's too late to change when the end starts,
Maybe it's just meant to end.

Maybe let me be the one to heal you,
let me be the one standing beside you,
let me be the one reaching out for you in the midst of crowds,
let me be the one.

Let us work things out.

More Updates...

Went to Singapore Flyer last Sunday, took some photos, and still photos.
The view was magnificent. Frankly, i was a little scared initially as i'm afraid of
heights and cable car rides...

Some photos that i had taken that day...


My ticket

Taken near the entrance

As you can see, there's a reflection' in this photo.
Hee, i'm not a pro.

View taken at the top

Us


Thank you for that trip:)

It has been quite a busy and stressful month due to my exams. But I'm glad cause it's OVER!!
Thanks for the prayers.

Another thing to pray for is my job. Thank God for the interviews He gave me. And also, 2nd
round of interview for both banks. According to the Hr, this will be the determining one.

I was very surprised that one of the bank called me for 2nd interview cause i was half an hour
late! yes, late! That morning was really bad, had some family problems affecting me and i took
a cab, yet met a massive jam from cte to bukit timah. At that time, I'm losing all my hopes cause
i feel that being punctual is so important for interviews( though I'm always late for other events),
and i screwed up. Thank God for kallang , Gh trying to talk things out of me.

When i reached there, i kept apologizing to the Hr. Thank God that she says 'it's alright, don't
let this affect me'. Was quite encouraged by her and during a few minutes before the interviewers
came, made a prayer. It took about 1 hour, tough interview, keep bombarding me with questions
relating to compliance, processes, improvements. The question commonly asked popped up,
' strengths and weaknesses?' AWW, i don't like this question. I told them that i worry unduly.

One of the lady replied:'Is it because you have high expectations of yourself?'
I was stunned, but quickly replied saying it's more like motivating myself, stuffs like that.
I was quite surprised that she said i have high expectations, cause usually heard that from people
who know me quite well. Quite afraid that i may leave her bad impression due to this' high
expectation'. Personally, i feel that having high expectations is good but pushing too hard may
be too much. That is a weakness that i see myself pushing too hard that i become very depressed
when i fall down. So i think when they know that u have high expectations may not be that good
after all. It really depends on how fast you pick up. But thank God, i managed to earn their trust in
going for 2nd round.

Whether i pass or fail this round, i lift it up to God. I will try to do my best and i believe that He
will do what He thinks is best for me.

Still struggling with other problems.
God, please change me not to say hurting words.
Change me to cherish what i have.
Change me to accept the person for who he is.
Change me.
I'm sorry.