God is with me since young

Never would i expect myself to be a Christian when i was younger.
I'm quite sure that i had made hurtful comments on being a Christian or
perhaps to the outside world, they may refer as 'Holy' or 'pushy'.

I remembered that when i was in my sec sch, i had a Science teacher
who is a Christian. She offered to guide a group of students in Bible
study( cell-group like). And i were one of the students. That was my first
time knowing Him. Initially, it went on well. Gradually, as she moved
towards telling us to have a relationship with Him, i backed off and
stopped attending the bible study. At that time, i was afraid.
I was afraid of the worldly people,
afraid of how my friends will see me if they know i'm a Christian,
afraid that they may not befriend me after knowing,
afraid that my parents will scold me,
afraid of acknowledging His presence.
There are so many 'afraid' in my heart that i forsake Him for the 1st time.

''Before I formed you in the womb I knew you...''
Jeremiah 1:5

Thinking back, i believe that He knew that i will back off at that time.
God is indescribable great. He knows it all, everything that has happened,
is happening and will happen. Like a sermon preached by Pastor, He
made use of my teacher to plant a seed in me.

Even though i had forsaken Him, God never fails to put at least 1 or 2 Christian
friends around me in my sec sch, in my poly, in my work place. Through
them, He is able to remind me that He is God. As i grew up, i started to
change my thinkings, 'maybe being a Christian is not that scary after all'.

However, my life is so messed up, pursuing only for the worldly needs
and desires and a lot.Things turned very bad that it reached to a point where
i felt like giving up my life. I can't even eat or sleep for around 2 mths. Everything
that i ate was just a quarter of my normal meals. From a happy bubbly gal,
i become someone so depressing, losing her sense of direction.
I felt no love from anyone. Even though i know that my family loves me, but
it was not enough! I was too hurt that no one could fill the love in me or
maybe i cant feel the love from others. My colleagues and good friends
tried to comfort me, accompanied me so that i will not keep thinking about
the bad stuffs. Though i know they are showing concern for me, but i still can't
feel much love from them. Am i expecting too much? However, i really
thanked them for standing beside me.

3 months later, things become slightly better, but i'm a different person,
someone without smiles, without happiness. Everyday is just work and
work and work. One day, i msg Kallang. It's quite weird. Truthfully, Karen
and i weren't as close as compared to other colleagues. Even since she
left, i seldom keep in contact with her. But i just wanted to message her and
meet her to see how she is now and some catch up sessions....

Somehow, God was in the midst of our conversations. She invited me to church.
During that week, i actually sms her if i can go this sat. This is all His doings.

''Why would i sms her that msg when i knew that in the past, i had forsaken
Him?''

Well, God has His own plans, His timings for everything. I remembered the
first time i attended the service. I felt His children's love for Him. Was touched
by them. I was wondering what keep them yearning more for God?
So it prompted me to keep going to know more about Him.
I was quite receptive to the sermons, perhaps due to the seed planted inside
me?
I felt that God is speaking to me through the sermons. I started to think how
God has His plans for me to be here. It's very comforting to realize how He
guided me here through such a big roundabout.

Even since accepting Him as my Lord and Saviour, I know that He's
there. I can depend on Him for everything because He can turn
situations around.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalms 147:3

He has healed me, maybe it's still an ongoing process.

I remembered that i once asked Karen,

'' Hmm, u think God will forgive me cos i forsake Him once?''

''Yes, He will''

I know that this time i will never forsake Him again because He
has never left me alone before and will never forsake me.
I know that He is definitely more than happy to have me back
though it takes a longer route.